Marriage Carriage

California Snow, March 2006

2006-03-13T16:09:00.000-08:00

Mystery of the Cathedral

2005-04-16T15:53:00.000-07:00

When we were on our honeymoon we visited the Auch Cathedral in Auch, France where I took these pictures. Famous art critic Emile Male once wrote: “For the breadth of thought, no work of this period equals the windows of Auch.”

2005-03-13T07:18:00.000-08:00

The Kiss

Wedding Flowers

2005-02-25T12:07:00.000-08:00

Two Directions Two Perspectives

2005-02-24T08:11:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time there was a little boy. His name was The Boy. He came across a road. A road split in two.

Now The Boy had to make a decision. Which path does he take? Does he go left? Or does he go right? Which path is the right path to take?

There was no scarecrow around to advise him.

So thinking, he thinks, …”The right path depends on your destination. Confident of your destination either path would bring one to it if one were certain of the destination. No matter which way you go as long as you remember where your going you will find it.”

So wherever you are there you are.

The End

One path winding up the final hill where two paths become one…

The Beginning

Romance in France

2005-02-22T10:05:00.000-08:00

Walking into the Auch Cathedral

He had proposed to me on our vacation last year. We were in France and had just toured the Auch Cathedral where I had taken the picture above.

The Cathedral is dedicated to the Black Virgin and all throughout there are carvings of demons and monstors, spiritual images, beautiful windows and much much more. It is a place of vision, of symbolism, of hidden knowledge.

The place just vibrates with a spiritual message. But what is that message? What is the inspiration behind it all?

Well with the wedding fast approaching and my mind reminiscing the day of the proposal I have posted a story of a wedding....

The Wedding of Sir Gawain and Dame Ragnelle

ONCE UPON A TIME, A LONG TIME AGO, A Celtic Welshman, whose ancestors reached back into Homer's ancient Troy where they fought against the Greek Agamemnon, this Celtic Welshman rose to be the first King Pendragon over the Kings of Wales, Cornwall, Manx, Scotland, Brittany and Ireland: Arthur, named for the great She-Bear Goddess Artemis, born of the ninefold Sea-goddess and cast ashore on the ninth wave, to land at Merlin's feet.

King Arthur who still rests behind the vale in Avelon, was then Pendragon with 150 Knights of the round table. Knights who in their day stood for courage, courtesy, generosity and fidelity to their word. This tale begins when King Arthur was hunting. And with his great bow he wounded a magnificent white stag, and as hunters will do, even to this day, Arthur followed the stag deep, deep, deep into the woods, into a small glade shaded by eighteen great oak trees laced with mistletoe.

Suddenly King Arthur was confronted by a huge, giant knight dressed in shimmering green armor. "Ah, who dare hunt the stag in my wood?"

"I am King Arthur, Pendragon of these lands this be my wood."

"Arthur you are not my King Pendragon. This ancient sacred wood be my domain, my kingdom, and here I be the Wood Lord, and the old laws against poaching is death by beheading!" The green knight began to draw his great broadsword.

King Arthur dressed for hunting, without battle armor would only stand tall with the courage of knighthood. "Green knight, I hear your birds singing in yon tall trees, I see your aged Oaks are festooned with mistletoe, and your meadow with it's twisting, gurgling brook bedecked with bowers of flowers, hovering butterflies, buzzing bees and sheltered under white clouds floating through your blue sky. If Arthur must stand and die, what better day could be chosen so fair, for even the sweet fragrance of honeysuckle is in the air!"

"Ah, Arthur you have the courage of a warrior king. I'll tell you what I'll do. I will parole thee with riddle. Return within one year and a day, on your word, and bring a true answer to this riddle question. Arthur, what thing is it that all women desire above all else. A false answer Arthur will be your death be it rain or shine. A true answer will be your pardon for poaching."

King Arthur agreed and gave his word to return by the appointed time. During the year King Arthur, his knights and advisors went forth, north, south, east and west asking the riddle question and many, many, many answers did they receive. The year was near spent when King Arthur returned to the wood, mulling over in his mind the numerous answers, uneasy in thought, wondering if he had the true answer to the riddle question. As Arthur reached the edge of the forest he came upon a hideous looking woman seated between a tall oak tree and a green holly tree, dressed in bright scarlet red.

As Arthur was riding past the woman spoke. "Arthur hold and look on this grim personage. I am Ragnell. Dame Ragnell and I am sister to the Green Knight. Arthur I know the true answer to your riddle. And Arthur, I would trade what I know for what I want, if you want to see the sun rise tomorrow."

"Dame Ragnell, for my life, what thou want, on my oath, if able I will give."

"Arthur what I wilt, for your life, is for thee to ask, thy nephew Sir Gawain, to wed me and become husband to Dame Ragnell."

Let me tell you about Sir Gawain. Sir Gawain, who in his day, had the fairest flesh in the land; Sir Gawain who's strength and courage was greater then any knight of the Round Table; Sir Gawain who's strength and courage in battle increased three fold between mid morning and noon and mid afternoon and dusk; and when the battle rage was upon him, Sir Gawain could walk across a meadow of grass and not bend a blade; Sir Gawain whom all other knights held in great reverence for gentle was his nature and great was his modesty.

Let me tell you about Dame Ragnell. She was incredibly ugly. Green tusks grew from her mouth and curled toward her ears. Her face was shaped with a snout with little red beady eyes. Her hair was matted with filth and little creatures crawled among the strands. Her bent and twisted hairy body with crocked legs and massive ankles was covered with open oozing sores. Her dugs hung below her knees.

Let me tell you what King Arthur did not know, yet our Celtic ancestors, listening to this story, two thousand years ago, knew and understood. The ancient audiences knew when they heard the name Dame Ragnell that she was the raging storm, the devastating tornado, the erupting volcano. The ancient audiences knew that Dame Ragnell was the great floods, the mud slides, the destructive earthquakes. They also knew that Dame Ragnell was the rolling hills, the valleys, the snow topped mountains, the rippling brook, the waterfall, the lakes, the streams, the ground we walk on. The ancient audience knew Dame Ragnell by many names: Morriga, Bridget, Macha, Frey, Dana, Diana, The Queen of May, The lady of the Lake, who gave King Arthur his sword Excaliber. You should know as they knew that Dame Ragnell, the sister, was our earth mother incarnate, the ninefold Goddess with nine faces and nine names.

And you should know that the Green Knight, Dame Ragnell's brother, King of the Sacred Grove, Dagda or Fray is that which lives and dies on mother earth. You should know that he is the spirit of vegetation, fertility, peace. He sends the rain, the sun shine, he makes the crops grow, mothers to bring forth, flocks and herds to multiply, even the crystals in mother earth to grow. The Green Knight, is father May, and he was known too as Lug, Dionysus, Osires, Adonis and the Celt's Aryan ancestors, the Kurgans, who crossed the Himalayan mountains into India called him Krishna.

But King Arthur, the Celtic Pendragon, in this story, did not knew this ancient knowledge. King Arthur did not know who Dame Ragnell was but he did know and love his nephew Sir Gawain. And he did know Sir Gawain as a loyal, courteous and generous knight. And did I tell you the ladies knew the handsome knight Sir Gawain? Did I tell you the ladies knew that Sir Gawain's words, thoughts and acts were always in balance? Did I tell you the ladies knew Sir Gawain never told a lie? Did I tell you the ladies knew he was integrity and fidelity? Did I tell you he was loved? Did I tell you he was chivalry?

"Dame Ragnell, I will ask Sir Gawain to be thy husband but I will not command, it will be his choice."

Dame Ragnell smiled and nodded her head and told King Arthur the true answer to the riddle question. Arthur entered the forest and again found the Green Knight. "Augh, Arthur! Do you have true answer to my riddle?" Answer after answer after answer Arthur gave, collected from all his advisors and to each the Green Giant said, nay. The Green Knight began to draw his sword.

"Hold thy hand Green Knight there be one more answer to what all women desire above all else and that is sovereignty, the right to choose, the right to be free from outside interference."

"Well, Pendragon Arthur, you have learned your lesson well. I pardon thee from poaching."

Arthur thanked the Green Knight and returned again to Tintagel but now with a heavy heart. He sought out his nephew Sir Gawain and told him of his agreement with Dame Ragnell and described her in all her odorous foulness. And Sir Gawain said, "Be not concerned uncle I will wed the lady." And he persisted, and Arthur reluctantly consented.

The wedding day arrived and the wedding took place on the rising sun but not with the usual jocularity. All had a heavy heart at this wedding for even after cleansing Dame Ragnell was unsightly. That afternoon Sir Gawain and Dame Ragnell talked of many things and as the sun set, they retired to their rooms. Sir Gawain turned to fall asleep.

"Sir Gawain, be it not your duty on your wedding night to bid thy wife a good night before sleep?"

And Sir Gawain answered, "Aye, It be my duty to bid my wife a good night, and to kiss my wife and to hug my wife and more too and all that I will do!" And turning hand and eye to his wife he found beauty!

"Ahhh, husband, you like this form? But first you must choose. I can be beautiful for you at night or beautiful for your friends by day, but not both, I must share my other form."

"Lady Ragnell. You have your own will I yield to your choice."

And the Lady Ragnell having sovereignty recognized, chose to be beautiful both day and night. And the handsome Sir Gawain and the beautiful Lady Ragnell choose to be faithful to each other throughout their lives.

This be the end of this old legend, The Green Knight, well he later became a Knight of the Round Table. However our ancient ancestors, when they heard this legend, they were reminded that not only was this legend about a woman's right of sovereignty but also when exercising choice one needs to stay in balance with the people one is bonded to. Did not Lady Ragnell choose on behalf of her mate. These legends reminded one of the bonding between a young couple that lasts into the craggy lines of old age, the love of the young for the old, the love of a parent for a child who is not perfect.

The ancient Celts understood that in this legend not only was Dame Ragnell a manifestation of the Earth Mother but so was the perfect man Sir Gawain also a manifestation of the Love of God for the Creation in all its manifestations and so was the Green Knight but one more manifestation of the Earth Mother who in olden times came to us in many forms in order to teach us how to live one with the other.

Secrets of Eternal Love

2005-02-14T08:45:00.000-08:00

Telling your secrets to someone can be hard. But for love to grow, for love to be real, and for love that lasts, it is a process that must be completed.

In the movie “Meet Joe Black”, Jeffrey Tamber plays Quince, the son-in law of wealthy William Parrish played by Anthony Hopkins. Quince explains to Joe Black that by telling ALL your secrets to your partner gives you the freedom to just be loved.

A book I highly recommend to every woman is Women Who Run With the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes, PH.D. In this book she writes:

“Shameful secrets cause a person to become haunted. She cannot sleep, for a shaming secret is like a cruel barbed wire that catches her across the gut as she tries to run free. The secrets of shame are destructive not only to a woman’s mental health but to her relationships with the instinctive nature.”

Super Bowl and Family Fun

2005-02-06T09:45:00.000-08:00

So, today I have to talk about family fun here in the United States. Today is the Super Bowl. It’s a big deal for a lot of people. And we too, will use it as a tool for fun.

I grew up with a jock Dad. Playing sports was important to him. He even built a basketball court in our back yard.

We played basketball in the backyard, baseball in the field and football along the side of the house. Once a week, my Father would take us to the nearest High School to run. Four times around the track and we would be rewarded a milk shake. I think I would have done the run even without the milk shake just to be around him.

I was good at football for a girl. Even for a boy of my age I was good. I could throw a football as well as anyone back then and that qualified me as quarterback. I was the only girl on either team and except for my Father, the best player of them all.

It was hard playing with my brothers though. They had such negative emotional responses to losing. But my Father kept us going with an attempt to teach sportsmanship along with a love of challenge and competition. To be a good sport.

But this sort of thing requires observation of oneself. It’s important to see yourself as others would see you. To recognize the emotional triggers that can fuel a program of not being good enough, of loss, of not being loved by the Father. To play a game without being attached to the outcome.

It’s important to have fun. Despite the condition of the world, despite the signs of a world gone mad, play has its place. It’s important to the creative process of ones being when approached in the proper Way .

My Father didn’t have the knowledge of Fourth Way work. He did not know how to teach his children how to deal with negative emotions.

Instead of being play, sports becomes war when not approached in the proper way. You see this dynamic being played out all over the world and even as a young girl I recognized it within my own family.

And today is the Super Bowl. We will make it a day of family fun and an opportunity for learning.

The Boy received an ESPN Game Station for Christmas and it has become a family favorite. So, we are having our own Super Bowl tournament with prizes for the winner. Of course the proper handicap will be applied to each player so everyone truly has a chance to win.

We use the ESPN Game Station for play but also as a tool for teaching and learning. The Boy can have a quick temper when losing or not playing up to his expectations. It’s the balls fault, his Mothers fault, the dog’s fault, or the Game Station's fault. Anything or anybody’s fault, but his own. He can become quite agitated, tearful and out of control at times. He’s a boy of 8, learning.

And I am a Mother, learning patience.

So we have been preparing him for this day. Talking to him about his negative emotions. How not to be attached to the outcome, to observe himself as others do, to be considerate to the rest of the family and equally important….

… to have FUN in the process of learning.

Good Pizza ;)

2005-02-01T16:01:00.000-08:00

I am fortunate that the man I am about to marry is on the same path that I am. Our spiritual views are the same and we both agree that Bush is a madman.

People have asked me how I knew that he is “The One”. Well, there were a lot of clues.

For one, we both hate mushrooms. And olives.

And we both love pepperoni, onions and hot peppers. So you could say we do good pizza together…

Of course if we weren’t on the same path we wouldn’t be together. And the pizza wouldn’t matter..

Objective Dreaming

2005-01-29T13:23:00.000-08:00

Last night I had a dream that I could fly. Though many aspects of the dream are foggy to me I still retain the flavor of the message.

But how objective can I be in the interpretation of a dream in which I was able to fly? And within a dream, just how objective can one act in a world full of subjective imagery?

Firstly I would have to think that dreams have messages, that they are not “just a dream”.

And secondly I would also have to think that I have control, will of my own while dreaming. Wishful thinking? Perhaps not.

I have taken the attitude of observation of the world, of myself and sometimes while dreaming and have found that believing something to be true does not necessarily make it true. But FEELING something is true can always create what you wish to be true.

In my dream, I was living in a corner of a large warehouse type building. My view out the window was of the world. A gray industrialized world fueled by the profit of war and chaos.

I was not happy nor was I unhappy. It was what it was. I had my work. I would sit at a computer near the window and look at the view of the world. I found that I could fly. It was more like levitation and I could “fly” by willing myself where to go.

I would travel down the hallways meeting children playing. Then I came upon a man.He was charming and very impressed with my ability to fly. He wanted me to come and live in his world and motioned for me to look out his window. What I saw was a beautiful garden with flowers and trees, water fountains and stone covered walkways. People were singing and laughing and great works of art were displayed. It was indeed a dream world of perfect harmony.

I felt a tinge of envy of wanting to live in that world. To only see pretty and lovely things out the window. He offered me this illusion. And I felt myself becoming angry that I did not have that view. I felt myself drawn into this manipulation of reality. I felt jealousy, greed, want….and suddenly I was no longer able to fly though I did not realize it at the time. It took remembering myself, being objective about what I was seeing; using the knowledge I had, to truly see. Then I could see what I was looking at. That what I saw was an illusion. Outside the garden, outside of the walls of this illusion was a parallel illusion of a world that was a gray, industrialized, fueled by the profits of war and chaos. One that I had become comfortable in.

All is illusion created by wishes and fantasy, dreams and emotion. When I realized this, I could fly again.

Reality is fluid. Shape it with love.

Shiny Red Bicycle

2005-01-24T17:49:00.000-08:00

The Boy knows the rules but is not always responsible enough to follow them. “Sorry Mom, I forgot”, is heard around here often.

He had saved his Christmas money and bought himself a brand new bicycle. It’s shiny red and has hand brakes and everything. He is the envy of the neighborhood right now and he is quite proud of himself.

He was invited to a birthday party on Saturday night so we were going to take advantage of the opportunity and have a romantic dinner out.

Saturday afternoon The Boy decides he is going out to ride his bike. He tells me he is going to his friend Eric’s house to see if he could play. He doesn’t ask if he can go, he announces that he is going. I didn’t fight him because I do want him to have fun and Eric lives right down the street. There are several boys his age right on our street that play together so if they end up at one of their houses he is to call me to let me know where he is. He is also not allowed to ride around the neighborhood alone. Only down our street to a friend’s house can he go alone. And he is to let me know before doing so. Same rule applies if he wants to go to the park.

He had been gone quite awhile and I walked outside and looked down the street to Eric’s house. I didn’t see them out riding so figured they were in Eric’s house. So, I call to have him come home to get ready for his party. Eric’s mom tells me she hasn’t seen him. That he never showed up there.

Now I am annoyed, as he knows the rule. He is to call me if he is at someone else’s house. And he did not do what he had told me he was going to do.

I try not to imagine the worst.

I take my shower and Dad goes out to look for him. He drives around the block, to the school, to the park, and The Boy is nowhere to be seen.

So I head down the street in wet hair. I check all the houses for his bike and knock on a few doors. No one has seen him. One Father puts on his shoes and helps me search the park.

No sign of The Boy, no sign of his shiny red bicycle. Everyone we talk to has not seen a Boy with a shiny red bicycle wearing a red helmet.

I try not to imagine the worst.

Dad drives up and I get into the truck. It was getting close to two hours since I had seen him last and I am beginning to panic. Tears roll down my cheek as I say “We have to call the police”. Dad drives us around another block and we ask every kid we see if they have seen a boy in a red helmet riding a shiny red bike. Finally, a young girl playing basketball says she saw him ride by about 5 minutes ago. Huge relief as we figure he had made it home. We wonder what he is thinking finding us gone.

He was imagining the worse.

A lecture, a huge hug from Mom, a huge swat from Dad, another lecture from Mom and a review of the Rules and tighter restrictions.

I imagine that shiny red bicycle will remain a shiny red bicycle for a very long time, gathering dust in the garage.

In 8 years he will be 16.

I try not to imagine the worse

The Boy

2005-01-20T11:25:00.000-08:00

I was driving The Boy to school this morning. Out of the blue he announces to me that he wishes he were a bird so that he could do whatever he wanted.

Well, if you were a bird you could only do what a bird could do, I told him. A bird only does what its designed to do. Kind of like a robot. It does what it has to do in order to survive. If you were a bird you wouldn’t know what you wanted to do as a boy wishing to be a bird.

Of course, as usual, he disagreed with me. With The Boy and his Mother it is always like this. If I say its black he insists that it’s white. That is until he decides on his own this is true. Or he hears it from somewhere else. It can be quite frustrating for me as his Mother.

So, he is disagreeing with me. He tells me if he were a bird, he could fly as high as an airplane and go anywhere he wanted. “I could do whatever I wanted.”

You know, I tell him; I always wanted to be a bird when I was little too. It would be fun to be able to fly. But, think about it. As a bird, you would not have the thought to fly as high as an airplane or go anywhere you wanted. You would be programmed to be a bird. You would eat worms, build nests, take care of your babies, and try and survive the bigger birds out there that would want you as food. You would not go anywhere you wanted because you would not even be aware that you wanted anything other than that which ensured your survival as a bird. You would only do the things that a bird is programmed to do. You would not be able to ride a bike, or climb a mountain. You only think that a bird is free to do what it wants because you can see that it can fly. It’s programmed as a bird like you are programmed to be a boy. You are also like a robot , only you are a little boy robot. And maybe you could wish that as a boy you could fly like a bird. Then you could be a little boy and fly too!

He was silent as we pulled up to the school. I reached over to kiss his check and I told him that I was glad that he was my boy and not a bird, and try not to get in trouble today!

Tonight I will tell him more about birds.

Got Kids?

2005-01-19T11:19:00.000-08:00

I have one. He has two. So together we have three. The Boy lives with us. He’s eight. The Girls are in college. Girl One is 20 and Girl Two is 18.

The Boy is excited about “The Wedding.”

The Girls? They’re horrified . But I will leave that for another day.

Having kids is tough yet full of love and hope for the future.My boy is my own little petty tyrant and I love him dearly.

Petty Tyrants
From The Fire From Within

by Carlos Castaneda

"A petty tyrant is a tormentor," he replied. "Someone who either holds the power of life and death over warriors or simply annoys them to distraction

A Pause For Men

2005-01-18T08:28:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning completely soaked. He woke up, rolled over and put his arms around me. “You must have a fever your completely soaked,” he whispered.

Genuine concern.

I laughed, rolled over to face him to give him a big hug and told him that it wasn’t a fever.

Boy, I could have milked that for all its worth. Men don’t have a clue sometimes.

To funny…

I am no Virgin

2005-01-17T09:00:00.000-08:00

Yet, I have never married. I guess I can be classified as an “Old Maid”. At 48 years old I think I qualify for that term.

That is soon to change. That’s right gang. I am getting married. Gettin hitched. The ole ball and chain routine. Soon to be the better half of a whole.

Actually, it is he that is the better half.

I come with a lot of baggage. Baggage I tend to hold on to. Baggage, that clings to me and colors my perception of reality.

I am full of holes. Holes filled with emotional energy that activates my ability to find joy in the moment. So I step aside and watch.

I find that joyful. I am finding it fun and wonderful to actually watch myself be a nutcase.

Ha! What a nutcase I am!

And I’m getting married.

The other day I told him that I was crazy, moody, and bitchy. He had a half grin on his face, which told me he agreed. I was being honest and not one bit of emotion was felt in the telling of this truth. And then I told him I was also kind and wonderful and giving. He told me I was all of those and he loved every one.

Wow. He loves me, as I am, each and every one of me.

It was one of the most romantic things I had ever heard.